A Child Apart

     Sitting here thinking. Damn. When I was a kid, I was amongst other kids. None of us had hope. We were living in the projects. Our only understanding of life was; there are drug dealers, hard workers, and white people.

     We educated each other because like Will Smith said, parents just don't understand. How could they though? Our parents went through their own struggle when they were kids. Their struggle was different, but they didn't have much either.

     As kids we went to school and learned about our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents struggle in history books. Usually, this information was taught by teachers that didn't look like us. Not that we were racially informed, but when you learn white people were slave masters, and you look up and see this white teacher chastising you constantly...it makes you feel like damn. Most of them didn't really care for us either. So to us, we subconsciously felt that cycle starting all over again.

     When you learn about slavery, you start associating things with the feeling of slavery. It gives us a feeling of hopelessness. Think about it. Your parents tower over you saying, do good in school and you can do anything. In our minds - in a child's mind - your parents did well in school. So why aren't we rich, in a big house. If your parents are struggling, you feel like you'll end up the same as them. That feeling of hopelessness settles in. So you try to be smarter than them. Some kids start doing things that ain't right. Because now, you building standards.

     Then you get disciplined when you do something "wrong". I use that term loosely, because as adults we know the first thing a black person does wrong is be born black. Kids do bad things to test boundaries. I'll admit sometimes a child will go too far. In this case, child criminals are punished by the law. All of this creates storyline in a child's mind. And that story, doesn't end well. When you're 8 you look up to a 10 year old. When you're 12, a 16 year old is an O.G. When you're 16, you think, I'll be dead by 22, I'm lucky if I make it to 17/18.

     For young females, its different. Being that I'm a male, I can't make sense of their actions. I can only say, they weren't in any better position. My assumption is every little girl likes a bad boy. If their father is not in their life, things are bad for them, and if they're abused its worst. At some point, these young females are willing to participate in our struggle, and join us.

     So we believe we'll be dead before we can smoke cigarettes. We try to make babies to get the feeling of being a parent. And even if we have guidance, we feel hopeless in achieving anything because all of the people who are successful don't look like us. All of this in the mind of a child, who possess a bit of rebellion. Then cops (once again, adults who don't understand children) attempt to harass us. It starts early.